Double Dutch
by Epitome of Randomness
Summary: Some days, you need to relax, hang out with friends and well, just chill. This isn't one of those days. Fill for the 'Three Ideas Challenge.' Alek/Deryn. Sort of. Vaguely adult themes.


**This is from the forum thread Leviathan 3 Idea Challenge, and it was started a while ago by Esprit D'escalier. Basically, the challenge is one person suggests three different story ideas and then any participant can choose any challenge and write about it. No length requirement or anything! **

**This went in a direction I was not expecting. It originally ended with the traditional Deryn-Is-A-Girl reveal…but uh…Thanks to Esprit D'escalier**** for the prompt.**

_**Challenge: Time has passed and Alek and Newkirk have both already gone through puberty (i.e. having their voices change) and they wonder when it will be Dylan Sharp's turn.**_

**DISCLAIMER: Not Scott.**

**DISCLAIMER II: Parody. I really have no idea where this came from.**

**Double Dutch**

_In which the characters behave in a chaste, good Christian manner._

"Check it out," said Newkirk. "I've got chest hair."

In a completely non-homoerotic fashion, he unbuttoned his jacket and shirt and showed off his six-pack and three chest hairs.

"That's nothing." said Alek, in his manly voice. "I've got way more than you."

Still, in a completely non-homoerotic context, Alek stripped off his shirt to reveal washboard abs and four-no, five chest hairs.

"Gosh it's hot in here." said Newkirk. "Why are we in your cabin anyway? We barely interact in-series."

"In-series?"

"Never mind. Wow, how did you get those huge biceps?"

"Fencing." said Alek. He grinned his lopsided grin and tossed his chestnut hair, Bieber-style.

__

* * *

Suddenly and inexplicably, Midshipman Dylan Sharp swooned off the topside. He was only saved by Random Expendable Crewmember #23.

"Careful young sir!"

* * *

"How did you get your incredible abs, Newkirk?"

Newkirk flexed and posed. "I was born this way. The doctor fainted."

Alek (shirt still off. Thank me later) crossed his arms and frowned. "Do you shave yet, Newkirk?"

"Oh yes. Every morning. Sometimes before dinner, but I think I look pretty good with a mustache. I'm manly like that."

Alek flexed his muscles in agreement. He was manly like that.

* * *

"WOAH!"

"Careful young sir!"

"Thanks, Random Expendable Crewmember #23."

"I'm Random Expendable Crewmember #24. #23 is over there."

"Oh…this is awkward."

* * *

"I shave every day too. Sometimes I have to borrow Dylan's razor, my

stubble is so thick and manly."

Still in a non-homoerotic manner, Newkirk ran his fingers over Alek's cheek. "I see. How often does Dylan shave then? Razors are pretty hard to come by on what pretty much amounts to a whale-shaped balloon."

In a completely non-sexual way, Alek too began exploring Newkirk's stubble. "I don't think I've ever seen him shave. He's watched me shave countless times."

"Me too. He's so private."

"About himself."

"Yes."

Their shirts? Still off.

"Only about himself. Dylan's happy for me to wash in front of him."

"He does blush an awful lot, though."

"Pants a bit."

"Indeed."

Stubble? Still being caressed.

* * *

"SHARP! BLOODY WELL STOP BLOODY FALLING OFF THE BLOODY TOPSIDE! I'M BLOODY WELL ANGRY AND BLOODY WELL BRITISH!"

"Sorry Sir!"  
"PUT A BLOODY SAFETY HARNESS ON! BLOODY HELL!"

* * *

"I think the best part about becoming men is the voice change." said Alek in a rumble that reminded Newkirk of sunlight shining on age-blackened wood, of jars of beeswax polish and bottles of fine red port. It was the voice of an eighteen year old, and it was the voice of an Emperor.

Even Newkirk went a little weak at the knees when Alek spoke.

"You know what's odd?" he finally said, past a lump in his throat. "Sharp's voice has never changed. It's still quite high."

"You're right," said Alek. "Though he does wear quite tight pants. Perhaps that's got something to do with it."

"Perhaps."

"Yes."

The silence suddenly awkward, both Newkirk and Alek flexed to break the tension. And Dylan's sense of balance.

* * *

"OH FOR GOD'S SAKE! SHARP. BLOODY WELL GET DOWN TO YOUR BLOODY CABIN, TAKE A BLOODY NAP."

"Sir-"

"NOW! BLOODY!"

* * *

There was a knock at the door. Fingers still in Newkirks oh-so-manly stubble, Alek allowed entry.

Uh…That came out wrong.

Flushed and tousled in a sexy, non-gender specific way, Dylan Sharp burst in, took in the non-sexual scene that was taking place, turned beetroot red and left the room, ending a rather long run-on sentence.

"Stop being prudish, Dylan!" called Alek. "We're just embracing our masculinity!"

"Shall we literally embrace it?"

"We shall."

After a few minutes of non-sexual, very manly hugging (and some light petting), Dylan re-entered and the boys began to put their shirts back on.

"NO!" he cried.

"Why not?" asked Newkirk, buttoning slowly.

"Oh, don't mind me…I just needed a break from duty uh…I kept feeling faint."

"Really?"

Still shirtless, hair still tousled, Alek strode across the room and laid a manly hand on Dylan's forehead. "You don't seem to…no, Dylan, you're getting really hot!"

Thud.

Once Dylan had recovered, Newkirk and Alek were again clothed, if slightly rumpled. Shame.

"So, Dylan…" began Newkirk.

"…how often do you shave?"

"Hummana. Huphabama."

"Sorry?"

"Bu-buh. Take your shirt off again."

"Why?"

"JUST DO IT!"

**Und so weiter. This was going to a little longer but sometimes, wit is brevity, brevity is wit and you should keep things short because they're you know, funnier that way. **

**Did you catch the reference? Tell me in a review and you will receive a virtual prize (no, not 'virtual cookies,' either. An actual prize.)**

**Don't ask about the title. Originally it was going to be called 'Caress' and have a really gushy summary with Alek/Deryn tags but that would have been taking things too far. And 'Double Dutch' sounded good.**

**Thanks for reading, please don't be offended and head to the forums to check out the Three Ideas Challenge!**

**-Nicola.**


End file.
